Obama's Second Inaugural Address

I have spies in the White House, and was able to get a glimpse of his second inaugural address. These are some excerpts from his long, boring, lie filled speech.

My fellow Americans welcome to this historical event. I was once again allowed to serve the American people for which I am most grateful.

Ten thousand members of the Marine corpses have been placed on standby to crush any protesters who dare attempt to have their voices heard. (The way our brilliant commander and chief pronounces corps. I knew the correct way to pronounce it in fifth grade. Perhaps in another forty years the president will be as smart as a fifth grader)

I believe I was elected for a second term based on fulfilling my promise of meaningful change. I wish to briefly mention some of the most significant items which I proudly take credit for. When I first assumed the office in February 2009 the unemployment rate stood at 7.6% (January 2009). Unfortunately the jobless rate is currently at 30% however, I have initiated a jobs program titled "if you have a job you're lucky" or as we call it here in Washington "jobs bill number 14." This I promise will prevent the unemployment rate from exceeding 35%.

I granted amnesty to more than 20 million illegal aliens which were previously living in the shadows. This is approximately 1/4 of Mexico's population. This will be of benefit to Mexico also as these new citizens are uneducated and unskilled and would have posed a burden to their former country of Mexico. (Side note five jobs were created by this amnesty as a young entrepreneur and his four employees opened a business of manufacturing Mexican flags). The roughly 20 to 25,000,000 new citizens are dependent on government for their subsistence and therefore obligated to vote as I tell them. The Democrat Socialist party will be able to rule for the next 60 to 70 years without interruption. It is true the new citizens make up 5 to 7% of the unemployed, but that is the trade-off I was willing to make. I am hopeful that in this term I will be able to lift the responsibility of a citizen having to go out in all kinds of inclement weather and cast a vote. I will be asking the Congress to repeal the Constitution as it is simply a document of negative rights. It tells the government what it cannot do instead of what it can do for citizens.

In similar fashion of my good friend to the south, Hugo Chavez, I have nationalized almost all of the nation's business, and we are hoping to control the remaining enterprises in order to have them better work for the American people. Thus far we have control of the auto, insurance, medical, banking, finance, energy, and transportation corporations. (Side note the health care panel in its effort to curtail the rising cost and save the taxpayers their hard earned money has denied treatment to 6,785 elderly citizens this month. It's not like the treatments would have been of any significant benefit to these people. Let's face it they're old and they need to step aside for the young folks coming up). This next month I plan to nationalize the media. It is true in the past they have been willing participants in what I have accomplished for the American people, but we must ensure they always toe the line.

My staff has informed me they have received some expressions of concern from the public regarding the cost of gasoline. The current price of $4.50 a gallon some say is negatively impacting their budgets. If you recall I rolled back the individual income tax from 72% to 70% to offer relief to these working families. Over the next four years gasoline costs are expected to hit the eight dollar mark bringing us in line with our European friends. I have instructed our government's auto manufactures to begin the building of 100,000 mopeds to assist our citizens with their transportation needs.

This is the change I promised and I hope you like it.

This so far is all the speech we have been able to sneak out. We will publish more as it becomes available.

Note to readers: the majority of my writings use absurdity to demonstrate the absurd. They are demonstrative of the direction that the Messiah Obama has chosen to lead this country. Am I telling you all these things are going to happen exactly in this fashion? Noooo, except for the $4.50 gasoline at the time of his second inaugural.

A. C. Smithson